My Wife

1. Vera 08.22.06 / 10pm
   

   First of all Lena, thank you for sharing this book with us!!
   I do think that the importance, or better said, the reach of meaning that one gives to something is way beyond the personality, true feelings or interests of the person who, in this case, had the knowledge to take these photos. What I mean is that, although it is undoubtedly dissapointing the fact that they are no longer the couple forever in love that you imagined, the value of the book and the interpretation that you gave to these pictures can still go on. That is the magic of books: they exist apart from their authors! Therefore, I think you should keep the ideas of that little girl that you were and, hopefully, still are!

   PS: I find it so funny that Petter Hegre is presently living in Algarve! Small world
2. Pedro Silva 08.23.06 / 6am
   

   That’s what I’ve kept telling her Vera: what matters is that truth is still truth even after facts are no longer facts. Nothing changes that.
3. Helena 08.23.06 / 6am
   

   Althought in a certain point of view I completely agree with both of you, one important fact for me which distinguishes this book for so many others, was that this book was not only about some relationship that was described there but the authors per se actually where the relationship of what the book was all about. That\’s why it is so difficult to imagine this book apart from its authors.

   But even if I think like this some times, the fact is that so many other times I feel the exact same way that I used to feel when I skimmed through those pages…

   And yes, Petter Hegre is now living in Algarve and one of his photo sessions was all shot there. Funny, hã?!!
4. Margarida 08.29.06 / 2pm
   

   These days I seem unable to simply write what I am thinking. Today is probably because I don’t know exactly what I think about this book and its aftermath. So this is not my definitive position on this matter. This is simply where I want to start.

   “After all this, what I think is that probably it’s very unlikely that a relationship like the one I imagined in my head exists. Because for some moments I imagined that you can live a love without society limits, without being afraid of being judged, and to live in love with the same person for the rest of your life. But it seems that only in the fourteen year old girl’s mind and in my mind, this could in fact happen.”

   That relation exists in my mind too (my very mature quarter-of-a-century-already mind). Why wouldn’t that relationship exist? I am perfectly convinced it can. I just think it is very hard to happen. So it is not going to happen to everyone. Maybe is not going to happen to me. But, in principle, it could.

   “Maybe society rules or tabus still exist in our days because it’s very dangerous to cross them. And if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life, you really need to pay attention to these rules.”

   Here I completely agree. Societies do have rules. If we are smart enough we can simply bend the rules and bend the system. Not sacrifice our freedom to society, simply outsmart it. We all do it for different reasons and in different periods of our life. We probably just need to get a little better at it.

   “That’s what I’ve kept telling her Vera: what matters is that truth is still truth even after facts are no longer facts. Nothing changes that.”

   The problem I think is that the Truth of the couple (of the book) was probably not the one Helena believed to exist. Or me, for that matter. I remember hearing about this book on RTP2. I remember what I thought about the couple at the time and that surely didn’t include him taking pictures of anyone else. Is not the divorce that bothers me. Is the fact that now the wife is not unique. She is not the only one.
5. Ricardo 08.31.06 / 3pm
   

   When I read this post from Helena, I had just begun my vacations and was sitting in a lousy, supposedly, cyber café. They charged 5€ per hour to use a state of the art computer (not!) with four keys missing…..but, I vowed I would reply to it as soon as I got back.

   Finally, I have chance so sit down, relax, and comment this post, which means, I’m back at work, hehe.

   Not having read the book, I will limit my dissertations and divagations to the social and personal aspects of the post.

   Society, rules and rulers, people and their inequities towards their own kin.
   In my opinion, growing, living and surviving in the western society, is not about bending the rules, it is about willpower;
   Willpower, that’s what most people lack nowadays, willpower to row against the tide, to fight for what you believe, what you want, to abide by our own values and not by what you have been taught or dare I say, programmed since the beginning of our existence, about what’s good and bad, right and wrong, rude and polite, beautiful and ugly, etc.

   Why shouldn’t it be possible? Difficult? Yes, but not impossible. And it shouldn’t be difficult either, but it is, it is, because, again, people lack the willpower to love unconditionally. Set your mind and heart to it and do it, do not think you can, know you can, and you will.

   “…
   Is all that we see or seem
   But a dream within a dream?”

   Edgar Alan Poe

   Ps: on a more personal (Gregory House style) note, what the hell are you complaining about? You and Pedro are like… the perfect couple! So move along… hehe
6. Helena 09.07.06 / 6am
   

   Sorry for the very late answer to my last two commentators. I should pay more attention to the few comments in my post! They were few but very good!

   First, I think you are right, Margarida. Probably I wanted so much to see the Truth I want to see beyond this book that I never had a scientific eye to analyze this relationship. Maybe I really need to start to see things as they are in fact. This was a book about photography, about art… and that\’s it. And if I look at it just having this in my mind, of course, it still is a very good book. I had no ideia that this book was referenced in RTP2. But I\’m glad to know that, it seems that it wasn\’t only me to give some importance to the book.

   To you, Ricardo, I agree with you. Fortunately I have the luck to be in a wonderful relationship (at least, to my eyes). But I don\’t think that it is impossible to have very good relationships. The thing that I don\’t know is if it is possible to maintain an amazing relationship after crossing basic society tabus. Me and Pedro… we have done everything in a very regular way. We never done anything that would put this regularity in danger, at least anything too risky. That\’s why this book amazed me so much. For a western society it is not common, and also not very well thought of, to share a couple\’s sexuality in an evident way. Everybody knows that this sexuality exists, of course, but it seems like something so intimate that you shouldn\’t share it with the rest of the world. And it\’s easy to not do it, I know that, because most of the time it is not confortable to do it. For most people it is just something not questionable. It\’s like it is and that\’s it. But this couple crossed this tabu. It was this one but could be anything else. It was the proof that we could go over those tabus, but then it became the proof that maybe we cannot. I am still looking to see if this willpower that you talk about will be enough, or if like Margarida said, you really just need to be smart enough when you cross those rules (but in this case, wouldn\’t we be just adapting ourselves to the rules once again?).

   But, as you can imagine, this is not too important. For me it is. I don\’t know why but I found me so many times thinking of these kind of things… and, just like in a ending evening conversation with friends, I am now writing to you sharing my thoughts! Thanks for your patience!
7. Isabel 09.07.06 / 3pm
   

   No, I’m not 16… but close.

   It’s not because the guy did the “same” thing again that the relationship between these two people from the book stops being special. He probably looks for intimacy through his camera’s lenses over and over again just because it worked the first time…

   Maybe their relation didn’t last forever, but what they did have during a (short?) period of time is what we probably all look for our entire life, and most of us don’t ever find. (I haven’t read/seen the book, so I’m just guessing)

   I still have the simplistic vision of a relation: I know that it requires some work (obviously), but in the end it should be simple to be with someone you really love, simply because happiness comes with it. And it’s not like there’s much choice. So, in a way, you are kind of free from any responsibilities… he he… ok, so I’m over simplifying… but shouldn’t it be easy? Anyway, I prefer to think so… cause I’m lazy and I don’t like too much work.

   “The thing that I don’t know is if it is possible to maintain an amazing relationship after crossing basic society tabus. Me and Pedro… we have done everything in a very regular way. We never done anything that would put this regularity in danger, at least anything too risky.” That’s just cause you didn’t have to, isn’t it? I think a relation can definitely survive crossing those tabus. And maybe that wasn’t even the question with this couple. Maybe he just left his underwear all over the house, or she didn’t smoke outside and burnt a blanket, or maybe he just fell in love with a sheep… now, that would be a hard tabu to break.

   I know I’m kind of naïve regarding these issues, but give me a break… after all, I’m the child in this blog… he he he!
8. Isabel 09.07.06 / 3pm
   

   And i totally agree with Ricardo’s ps. Just because you don’t spend your life taking pictures of each other (narcissist much?) doesn’t mean you have less intimacy…

   (and really… peeing on a beach?… tsk tsk)
9. name 10.03.09 / 6am
   

   hegre is a sex prevert n u shud sue for every last nickel and then sue again. while hegre claims everything is based on capturing intimacy thru his camera, whether u gave adequate ‘good love’ or not, hegre has no right to go around destroying lifes, putting you ‘away’ like used half eaten other half moldy sandwhich. has he no shame? tell luba to find someone her own age instead of pretended superintended overextended superficial at best nonexistant hegre ‘intimacy.’

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